Last Hole

It's hard to get this guy,
This guy invented by typing monkeys.
This kid wins money just by breathing -
Last pumpkin I ever do Cinderella for.
Everywhere players get career transplants and then
Last out the years trying to forget;
As now the biggest amateur may savor
More roars than the greatest fairway performer.
Buy your grandkids shares in newspapers
When sportswriters play careers by ear.

How will my teammates keep up?
Only a cheap guy that putts
More than he strokes even gets seen:
As sheep calls tiger dad in hell,
Doesn't your world rest in RuPaul's lap,
Every chance for a birdie now off?
This is going in your playoff record.
He says he's seen enough empty victory.
Every guy is a broken god.
Everybody here put that guy down.


* Made from text 100% recycled from Rick Reilly’s article, “The Greatest Show on Earth,” in the August 29th, 2000 edition of Sports Illustrated.