Dear Fairy Godmother
Our son is a committed bachelor, a hermit in fact. On the whole he is extremely clean and tidy; it is only his flair for décor that is ghastly. I believe he may get that from his father’s side of the family…
His bathroom is so bad I have stopped visiting him, lest I get caught short and have to spend a penny. Fairy Godmother, can you help?
Yours sincerely
Disturbed Mother
WIN
A $500 VOUCHER FROM FREEDOM
Do you know someone with a bad case of interior design? Send details of their design disaster and photos to Your Home & Garden, Private Bag 92-512, Wellesley St. Auckland. If their room is selected, they’ll get a Fairy Godmother assessment and a $500 Freedom voucher to get them started.
freedom™
Our Fairy Godmother
whips this poor boy into shape with her suggestions for fixing his uninspiring bachelor bathroom.
Your wish is granted…
BATHROOM BLISS
Dear Disturbed Mother
Your son’s bathroom shows an acute level of apathy, depression even. Did he attend boarding school perchance? The toilet and bathroom have all the allure of an airline salad, albeit with a slightly higher level of bacteria.
It is clear to me that something must be done to help your son. A beautiful bathroom is the first step to happiness and, in this world of madness, it is a sane man who strives to achieve this.
I would start this process by gutting that rat hole of his. The sarcophagus bath, the upright tomb of a shower and grisly toilet all have to go. The lino alone may require a blessing by a priest; it looks like Satan’s vinyl to me.
One’s WC is a room of function and with that in mind I favour simplicity of design for ease and expediency of use.
The ultimate bathroom traffic-stopper has to be a mosaic tiled mural by Bisazza. Exquisitely crafted, fabulously gorgeous and infinitely desirable, these beauties are worth saving up for.
I am a great proponent of the fully-tiled bathroom. Tile the walls and the shower to the ceiling to create a clean and streamlined effect. A good safety tip is to use an outdoor tile on the floor. It will have better non-skid properties and help eliminate nasty accidents.
These days, some people opt not to put a bath in their bathroom. Fools! They obviously place no value in wallowing in sybaritic splendour with a bottle of fine red wine and a good book. Like the perfect woman, look for big and beautiful when selecting your bath.
Vanities on the other hand, should be publicly shunned. These cesspits of old make-up and expired medications are such a health hazard. Install a pedestal or wall-mounted basin, two side by side if the room is available. Keep the area around the base of the vessel clear of clutter.
Storage should be at a height that you can access easily. I like tall, slim, mobile units. They are not intrusive spatially or visually and, surprisingly, hold more junk than an under-basin vanity cupboard.
Consider heating and ventilation issues in the bathroom. A warm, well-aired powder room is mildew-free and comfortable. Beware of bathroom window treatments, as most are just mould catchers. Better to frost the pane.
A heated mirror is a welcome option, most men love to look at themselves and I am sure your son is no exception.
Taps are functional items. Choose simplicity and practicality over fussy, complicated design. The same goes for toilets. Look for a strong, comfortable seat and contemplate an internal wall flush system if you have limited space.
Towels and accessories are the icing on the cake. Rule of thumb is that beach towels, like the budgie smuggler, are for the beach. Keep them out of the bathroom, they look cheap. Ergo, avoid kitschy accessories; they bring down the tone of a beautiful bathroom faster than skid marks in a toilet bowl.
